Out with it
When I was pregnant, I read a lot about being pregnant. I read about infant health problems, sleep deprivation and what it might feel like to push an entire human being out of my nether regions. One thing I didn’t research was having a c-section. It’s not that I didn’t want to be informed, but I thought if I remained happily ignorant then I’d have a successful “natural” delivery. Of course now I know that’s a crock of shit.
The same thing can be said for postpartum depression. I read nothing about it because I was so sure it wasn’t going to happen to me. I have a wonderful, easygoing child who started sleeping through the night at 11 weeks, a great support system and a husband who would do anything for me. For awhile things were fine and I was pretty content.
Since I had read nothing about PPD, I ended up telling my loving husband that he didn’t know what the hell he was talking about when he had the nerve to suggest I might have it. “You can’t get postpartum depression after five months,” I snapped. When Nathan told me it is possible and that he’d been doing some research, I demanded he cite his sources and all but called him a liar when he couldn’t instantly produce the name of a web site he’d visited. Did I mention one of the symptoms of PPD is irritability?
The easiest explanation I can give is that a switch seems to have gone off in my head. Last week I was fine, this week I’m not. I’m not very happy at work, and that unhappiness came to a head last Friday when I found out I didn’t get a job I applied for in another department. Over the past four years I’ve applied for six other jobs. That’s seven jobs, seven interviews and seven rejections.
I went home this weekend and tried to brush it off, but Sunday I woke up with the worst headache I’d had in a long time. I was tired, achy and so weak I could barely lift Autumn out of her crib. I spent the rest of the day collapsed on the couch, watching bad TV and fighting off a fever. At the time I thought it might have been the Chinese buffet. Now I’m not so sure.
I’ve been in bad moods before, but those usually last a half day to a day at the most. These bad feelings aren’t going away, but I’ve been to the doctor and am trying to work through it.
I know most of the people who read this are people I know and work with. Since I haven’t talked about it at all, this is probably a surprise but a nonetheless welcome explanation as to why I’ve been so mental lately. I still don’t feel like talking about it, but writing about it does make me feel a little better.
The same thing can be said for postpartum depression. I read nothing about it because I was so sure it wasn’t going to happen to me. I have a wonderful, easygoing child who started sleeping through the night at 11 weeks, a great support system and a husband who would do anything for me. For awhile things were fine and I was pretty content.
Since I had read nothing about PPD, I ended up telling my loving husband that he didn’t know what the hell he was talking about when he had the nerve to suggest I might have it. “You can’t get postpartum depression after five months,” I snapped. When Nathan told me it is possible and that he’d been doing some research, I demanded he cite his sources and all but called him a liar when he couldn’t instantly produce the name of a web site he’d visited. Did I mention one of the symptoms of PPD is irritability?
The easiest explanation I can give is that a switch seems to have gone off in my head. Last week I was fine, this week I’m not. I’m not very happy at work, and that unhappiness came to a head last Friday when I found out I didn’t get a job I applied for in another department. Over the past four years I’ve applied for six other jobs. That’s seven jobs, seven interviews and seven rejections.
I went home this weekend and tried to brush it off, but Sunday I woke up with the worst headache I’d had in a long time. I was tired, achy and so weak I could barely lift Autumn out of her crib. I spent the rest of the day collapsed on the couch, watching bad TV and fighting off a fever. At the time I thought it might have been the Chinese buffet. Now I’m not so sure.
I’ve been in bad moods before, but those usually last a half day to a day at the most. These bad feelings aren’t going away, but I’ve been to the doctor and am trying to work through it.
I know most of the people who read this are people I know and work with. Since I haven’t talked about it at all, this is probably a surprise but a nonetheless welcome explanation as to why I’ve been so mental lately. I still don’t feel like talking about it, but writing about it does make me feel a little better.
